From 360 pounds, alcohol and cigarettes to rebuilding my life.
For roughly 15 years, my life had become a cycle: a 24 of beer, junk food, sleeping through the next day, and doing it again. On drinking days, I could smoke two packs of cigarettes. Exercise was basically nonexistent.
At my heaviest, I weighed 360 pounds. I was so unhealthy and out of shape that even walking from my apartment to get the mail was difficult. I couldn't do much physically, and I knew something had to change.
Alcohol had been part of my life since I was 15. I never expected to reach this point, and I certainly didn't expect to make it this far without drinking.
Then, during a psilocybin experience, I had a realization that changed the direction of my life: either I quit drinking, or alcohol was going to kill me.
On January 10, 2025, I made the decision to quit.
Relearning myself
I've lived with agoraphobia and insomnia for most of my life. Over the years I was on benzodiazepines for around 20 years, SSRIs for around 15 years, and sleeping medication for around 10 years. Coming off the benzodiazepines was the hardest part of this entire journey. I felt like I had to relearn myself—how I talked, how I used words, how I walked, how my body felt, and how I processed everyday experiences. It felt like I had to relearn basic skills and figure out who I was again.
A $200 exercise bike
Starting at 360 pounds, exercise was intimidating. I began with an exercise bike. That bike became one of the best $200 purchases I have ever made. Little by little, I added weight plates and equipment to my home gym—starting with 5-pound dumbbells and gradually building from there.
Building a body I could actually use
I used to struggle to do one or two full push-ups before having to switch to modified push-ups. Now I can do 20 or more full push-ups, rest, and keep going until I've done 100+. I went from barely being able to walk for about three minutes to walking for 4½ hours and covering more than 20 kilometres. The transformation didn't happen overnight. It happened one small improvement at a time.
Because freedom changes everything
I know what it feels like to be powerless over something that can control every waking moment of your life. I also know the freedom of finally having that control over your life again. It is difficult to put into words how life-changing that freedom can be. I want other people to have the chance to experience it too.
